Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
what day is it and did you see me today?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize