i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
