yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
