Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Buhtt sex?
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
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