Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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