Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
bring money and cleavage
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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