piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
