Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
