I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
