Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
You're like the curious george of whores
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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