Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i wish my penis had a tongue
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
