A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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