Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
