anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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