No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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