Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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