Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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