I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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