Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
