I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
