I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize