i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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