You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
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