Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
