My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
