i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Randomize
