what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
