So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Randomize