I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize