That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
