Well apparently he's into motor boating.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
