Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
a search helicopter?!
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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