Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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