Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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