Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
