apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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