Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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