Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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