i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
