woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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