Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
