hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
