Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize