feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
