so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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