so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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