My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
