Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
