That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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