Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
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