if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
