I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
