He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
