I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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