i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Randomize
