hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
