Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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