ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
should my penis look like a turkey
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Randomize
