which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
