Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
how do flat chested girls get laid?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
