You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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