Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
