My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
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