Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
we're so committed to being not committed
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
