I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
