Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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