I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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