Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
