new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
