So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I miss vodka workout Fridays
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I need to sanitize my soul.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
