I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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