everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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